I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize