You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
