In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Come see our sink grown plant.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Randomize
