a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
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I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
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I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
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