The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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