Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
