I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
