Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Randomize
