i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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