As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
