I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Randomize
