ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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