According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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