You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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