Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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