do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
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