I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Why is there bacon in the couch?
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
