$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
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