My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Randomize
