Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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