Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
