I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
