I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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