I wish you could order shots online.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
