i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
