no, he came in my armpit
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
