i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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