i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
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