I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
