i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Randomize
