I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
