now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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