My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
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He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
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A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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