dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
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Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
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He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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