All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
