The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
