this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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