Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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