Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
