i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
