He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
