ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
this beer tastes like vomit already
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
