I think my vagina is haunted
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
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Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
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This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
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