I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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