I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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