i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
