I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
No stitches, just platelets and will power
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
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