is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Randomize
