Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
