I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
