I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
