I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Barsexuality is the new black.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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