My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
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