I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
