As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
