Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
