Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
