what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
