what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
