I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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