Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
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