A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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