I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
