What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
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