So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
