On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Randomize
