I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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