I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Randomize
