ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Randomize
