The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Randomize
