this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
