My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
