just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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