I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
