Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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