Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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