the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
