he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
