After last night, I could never be a politician.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
