Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
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